Mention to someone that you’ve decided to take up ‘Tantric sex’ or ‘Tantra’ and you might receive some interesting reactions: stifled giggles, opened floodgates of questions, the smirk-face emoji. The truth is, Westerners have done a pretty good job of offending something very spiritual and sacred by making it obscene.
Tantra is less about dizzying sexual discovery a la Samantha Jones performing Cirque du Soleil-esque moves with her latest conquest, and more about unfurling the masculine and feminine forces to sharpen your mind, enhance your consciousness and reach a metaphorical kind of ecstasy. The latter holds less shock value, true, but it’s easy to see how the principle of Tantra can get lost in translation.
Cultural appropriation aside, Tantra as we may be familiar with serves to deepen the sexual connection with your partner, on a non-physical level. If you’re looking to try something new between the sheets or take your relationship to a different level, read on for some tips on better sex through Tantric-inspired principles, grab your partner and get metaphysical.
Understand Kundalini: She’s in Your Body Right Now
What! Where? Relax. According to the Kundalini practice, a feminine force exists in everyone’s bodies. It is creative, dynamic and energetic, located at the base of your spine. For most, this force lays dormant until it’s awakened. This might all be news to you, since chances are you never read about it in your biology class, but hear me out; Kundalini might be worth exploring, as an opportunity to love and get to know yourself intimately first. That way, when the mood strikes, you can blow your partner’s mind with the confidence you have from getting to know yourself better in your own skin.
Practicing yoga is the first step to awakening Kundalini. But to begin, focus on rhythmic breathing, called prana, by inhaling not to fill your chest, but so your breath reaches your lower back. When you exhale, imagine it leaving through the top of your head and your third eye. You should feel an inner calm, a stillness and over time, a sense of oneness forming. Once this energy has awakened, it has been said to achieve fearlessness, increased awareness and yes, a body high-like orgasmic ecstasy.
This is much easier said than done. We all have walls that we are more effective than we realize at raising, and experiences like trauma, failed relationships and insecurities that put a guard up to keep our hearts on lockdown. But there’s something very raw and real about being vulnerable, and most of us don’t realize how much we shut out the important people in our lives to protect ourselves. These crippling inner fears easily spill into other facets of your life, your sexual experiences being just one of them. Know you are much stronger than that, and practicing Tantra can help you open your heart and spirit. Address your insecurities first by writing them down or saying them out loud and through this meditative practice, you will discover how powerful you are at dismissing them. It may take time but you will surprise yourself.
Remove Your Focus from the “End Result”
Hey, temptress. Pump the brakes for just a sec. We have sex for two primary reasons: to procreate and because it feels good. Whatever the objective may be, a big mistake most couples make is getting straight to the big ‘O.’ By Tantra’s principles, those brief moments of serotonin-induced ecstasy are not the goal. And many times, you might not be on the same page intimately at that moment One’s rushing, the other has something else on their mind. I’m just not in the mood right now; I’m kinda tired; Can we just cuddle? Sound familiar? Try this out: take the opportunity to connect with your partner by synchronizing your breath first.
Breathing is an important concept in yoga and Tantra altogether, and you’d be surprised by how intimate you can feel just by sharing oxygen. But as implied above in Kundalini practice, breathe meaningfully. don’t just fill your lungs with air, breathe deep into your belly and the base of your spine. If you’ve already done this alone it might seem silly, and it can be more hilarious face-to-face with another person. Go ahead and laugh, make it fun. Once you’ve synchronized your breaths, try harmonizing by breathing in when your partner breaths out, and vice versa. You’ll feel a connection, and it can be unreal.
Don’t Just Touch – Feel
It’s no secret we live in a digital age where relationships can be maintained entirely online, over text, Face Time, Skype, whatever. And if you are or have ever been in a long distance relationship, you realize how much you crave not just the intimacy of your partner’s touch, but skin-to-skin contact from them in general. On the other hand, if you see them constantly, it’s easy to take for granted.
Explore their body, and invite them to explore yours. Test out what feels good for you first – soft, feather light touches or firm grasps? Cool fingertips or warm breath? Communicate, guide your partner and take the perspective that your body is their privilege. Then explore them. You might be surprised to find differences, similarities and discover new things you both love.
Did you notice that ‘getting to know yourself’ on a spiritual level is half the battle for a better sexual connection? Sometimes we ignore our emotional, physical and spiritual needs in light of our partner, but this is where Tantra truly shines. Overcoming your own obstacles first gives you a more complete sense of self and enhanced confidence that will not only translate into your sexual prowess, but also making deeper connections with your friends and family, and at work where your decision-making skills will sharpen. And, if by chance you see beyond Tantra’s methods and find a freak flag along the way, by all means let it fly.