Yoga this, yoga that, yoga, yoga yoga. It seems like all these yogis talk about are their precious yoga poses.
On the other hand, there are a lot of yoga haters out there. “It’s not fun, it’s boring, I don’t see the point of it, yoga isn’t really a workout”- just a few of the popular objections I’ve heard about trying yoga. And they’re all with good reason, yoga is a big cliche. They make it seem like all you have to do is breathe deep, stretch a little and then boom, your life is magically going to be so much better.
Yoga Lifestyles is here to debunk the myths and prove once and for all why you should never do yoga:
You’ll lose way too much weight.
After all, you’ve been working hard for those extra lb’s. Between the late night pints of Ben & Jerry’s and the mid-afternoon snacking on cheddar crisps, you’ve become quite experienced in packing on a few pounds and anxiously trying to rid yourself of it. Yoga would ruin all of that; your extreme cravings and slow metabolism would become nonexistent.
A good night’s sleep is overrated.
Sleep is the cousin of death, right? Seriously, you’ve just become so used to staying up late, tossing and turning in your sheets. Why should you turn away from that now? A good night’s sleep would boost your immune system and improve your memory retention, which I’m sure nobody really wants.
It will make you too responsible.
Instead of blaming others for your problems, you’ll start to think about how autonomous you are. You’ll be forced to think about how your actions, or lack thereof, create and can eliminate your problems.
Everyone loves when you’re stressed!
Your family and friends happily deal with your constant mood swings and stress because, in fact, they actually love it! They love, love love when you displace your frustrations on them and increase your chances of getting Alzheimer’s and dementia later in life. According to research done by UCLA, daily yoga alters the inflammatory pathways that carry stress.
You won’t have fun judging other people anymore.
Remember when you had so much fun making fun of other people? Here’s another great reason why you should never do yoga- you’ll stop being judgmental and inconsiderate. You’ll spend most of your time thinking about the positives and taking into consideration how your actions will make others feel.
The toxins in your body have become your friends.
You’ve really become fond of the fried-food filled gross stuff you’ve put in your body over time and carry pride in the fact that your colon is causing you mental anguish. Even better is when you become sick or depressed because the toxins are preventing you from absorbing nutrients. Yoga would eliminate those toxins, an act that running or lifting weights alone can’t do, and you would really miss those nasty little buggers hanging around inside of you.
Looking younger than you actually are is annoying.
The more wrinkles, the better. You’ll have the respect of your fellow peers when they mistake you for someone much, much older than them. Why else should you never do yoga? The stress that causes your skin’s elasticity to break down will build up much faster if you don’t do yoga.